we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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