I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
