you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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