Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
