dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
