i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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