Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
