is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
