she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
