His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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