Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Never underestimate the power of titties
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
