Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
