She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
