I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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