i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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