dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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