Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish I only lived at night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize