Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we made out on top of his cat.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Found the puke drawer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
