we have officially lost it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
