If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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