I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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