so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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