whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
