Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
