we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
