I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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