Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
