oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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