Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
