Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
