i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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