no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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