I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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