nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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