You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
