Pappa wants mamma naked
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
