Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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