I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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