I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
