genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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