I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
