Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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