Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
