I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
