were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
