Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
