Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
