sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
