i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
