I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
