When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize