i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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