No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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