I love black thongs
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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