My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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