OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
