If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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