Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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