soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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