WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
