i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
