Define "chronic" masturbator.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
