Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm like, not good at living.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
