I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
