I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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