dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
