The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
