hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize