How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
