You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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